“She tilted her head back” – Part 2

Hey guys,

Day 5 of NaBloPoMo. I decided to pursue Zoe’s perspective from my first post on the blog “She tilted her head back“. So the style changes to first person in this post compared to third person in the original. I’m toying with the idea of making it  a shirt story to complete over the next month.  



I got back to the clinic in time for the weekly case presentation. Thankfully the room was already full with trainees. I slid in from the back door and hid at the back of the room. Ayesha turned to catch my eye just as I was about to sit. I returned her smile with a feeble one of my own before sinking into the chair. Ayesha was one of my closest friends but I was in no mood to chit chat with the others. I needed to process all that I had just heard. I love psychology, just not today. Once the presentation got under way I totally switched off.

The thought of Michael leaving was a real torment. I felt anxious. I tried to cling to what he had said, he wasn’t sure about the job yet. Did that give me enough scope to change his mind? Hopefully his family would object vehemently and he would end up staying. That was bad though. I shouldn’t build my dreams with fragments of his. Since meeting Michael last year, it had always been clear he wanted to travel. Though, if we were together, we could travel together. But we were not even close to that. I just knew I’d always fancied him and had a suspicion he might be interested. Not really much to go on.

Ayesha headed over almost as soon as the presentation was over; I knew what she would ask. Ayesha was always so excited by the prospects of Michael and I getting together. She was already grinning. Not even on a wet day did Ayesha’s spirits seem dampened.

“So, how was coffee? Did you both just eye flirt the whole time?” I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. Staring at her blankly, I actually thought I was going to cry. “Are you ok? You look really upset?”

I grabbed my bag sat at my feet and signaled Ayesha to the door. I couldn’t cry here. I had deliberately kept my fellow psychologists at bay. I didn’t need them creeping around in my head. Ayesha was different. We had lived together throughout uni so I already knew I could trust her.

Out on the corridor Ayesha linked her arm through mine. “We need to have coffee. Let’s get out of here.”

“What about the next presentation Ayesha?” Not that I had cared for the first one at all. It just somehow seemed like the right protest to be making.

“Forget it Zoe. I’ve not seen you like this in a long time. I want to know what’s going on.” Ayesha was firm and rarely changed her mind about anything. Our supervisors found that especially difficult about her. I personally, thought it an admirable quality.

We ventured across the road, back to the very same coffee shop where just a few hours ago, Michael had changed the entire landscape. It was quieter now. The lunchtime rush had settled. The scent of bergamot from my Earl Grey was soothing. Ayesha sat opposite me gulping down her latte with an expectant expression on her face. I brushed my hair back and gave Ayesha the summary she craved. Within seconds of finishing Ayesha got to the crux of the matter:

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. What can I do really?”

“Tell him how you feel?”

“No! I don’t even know if he likes me!”

“I’d say it was pretty obvious. He calls you almost every day, that’s when he’s not messaging you or seeing you in person. You’re practically in a relationship!”

“Then why would he apply for a job in Australia?”

“Because you don’t give him anything to go on!” Ayesha simply did not understand that you had to wait for a guy to make the first move. She was a go getter. But I believed good things come to those who wait. “And anyway, it’s not like your current, softly softly approach is working. You need something hard hitting now, otherwise you’ll lose him.”

I stared down into my tea cup. She was right of course. But I couldn’t just ask him out right. There had to be a way, some way to let him know how I feel so that he could take the lead.

“Ok so what do I do?”

“I just asked you that?” Ayesha grinned. She loved being the psychologist, even around friends.

“I really don’t know. We need to come up with something which isn’t direct but is also a clear sign.”

“Mmmmm, well it can’t be something you guys already do, which is most things that people do in a relationship. So you’ll have to think outside the box. I’m not sure I can help. Subtlety isn’t my thing, as you know!”

Ayesha made me chuckle. “I still think if he likes me, he should let me know.”

“Like I say, I think he already has. It’s your turn now. You should talk to him openly; if it doesn’t go well, he’ll be off to Australia anyway.”

“Ok, I need to think about it. I’d rather not lose what we have either.” Though I knew the truth, if he was going down under, I’d be losing him anyway.

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